Wednesday, May 9

"The Rotten Cantaloupe" or 'My Grammy Knows How to Swear!?!'

This is a long story and I'm going to make it longer by setting it up a bit.

My parents were very young when I was born and divorced by the time I was 7. My mother's parents, Grammy and Grandad, were a huge part of my life and I would visit with them for extended periods of time. [Note - I am extremely lucky to have both of them still, they are 83 now (Grammy has a birthday on the 27th) and I wish time and distance didn't stop us from seeing each other more often than we do.]

I believe I was 14, I was staying with them for most of the summer. They both are members of the Lions Club and the club was having a big picnic at the park. Now, I am not lucky when it comes to games of chance. And as you will see, even when I do get lucky, things go terribly awry.

Grandad had gone over to the picnic earlier to help set up. Grammy and I drove over later. They had music and food and BINGO. Uh oh, a game I am not destined to win. However, there wasn't much else to do, so I picked some cards and proceeded to play. Now let me tell you there were some NICE prizes to be had. It seemed like everyone around me was winning and they were down to about a dozen more prizes when the unthinkable happened.

That's right, I actually had B-I-N-G-O! Woooweeee, look at me - I am a winner!

So I go up (remember I am a 14 year old girl) and the man calling the numbers gives me my prize. Yep. Cantaloupe. Two huge cantaloupe. Grammy had accompanied me up to the prize table, and she spoke up and asked if I couldn't have something else. Nope. Not for me. I am not a winner after all. I am a loser, a loser with two 5-pound cantaloupe. Oh, and did I mention I don't even like cantaloupe - it makes me ill.

So at that point Grammy and I had both had enough of that picnic. We took the cantaloupe, Grandad would eat it, and left. We're driving home and Grammy starts saying how she's never liked that man and he's nasty and she "hopes his pr*** rots off in hell". Wha-what?!
When did Grammy learn how to swear?

Being a teenager is soooo funny. I was absolutely shocked and even scandalized that MY Grammy knew such a word.

And those cantaloupe. Grammy cut them open when we got home (she was going to clean them up nice for Grandad). They were rotten inside. Just like that man.



Suzanne said...

OMG! LOL!!! Love that story. BTW, MY Grams birthday is on the 27th of May also. She'll be 94 years young this year. :-)

Jayne said...

OMGosh! I am laughing out loud right now! Thanks for the morning smile Mar!

............Aimeslee said...

That's a great story. I bet you are an awesome journaler. Your DD's Picasso is fabulous - you ARE gonna scrap about that, right? Love your blog, just checkin it out.

from Feeling Scrappy